But other than that, my grandfather passed away... Sept. 21, 2015. I have not cried but I am sad. Why is everyone expecting me to just break down and lose control? I did that when my grandmother died and I literally lost myself mentally (have not fully recovered from that). I know my emotional boundaries when it comes to these things. Just because I'm not crying doesn't make me a heartless person, it makes me strong. My husband said he couldn't even tell that I am sad...that's the point. He didn't even ask me. Instead, he's telling his ex-mistress that she looks fly with her makeup on. What the crap!!! My grandpa just died and you're continuously "playing games". If it's any emotion that I am outwardly feeling, is anger. I'm more angry than sad at this point.
*sigh* I don't know what to do though... They want me to perform again at church. I think this is a ploy to keep me going. I love going to church, I just get out of church right after work and it's physically hard to go to church because of it. I feel about it. I mean, Jesus walked 40 days and nights without food through a dessert. I can't even go to church after an 8 hour shift...
On the bright side my co-worker said that my demeanor has changed and that I'm acting more like a mom. She thinks I'm going to be a home soon. I hope so, we are desperately trying for a baby.... Well I am. I want to be a mom before my career gets started. I want to work my career around my children instead of the other way around. I don't want to be one of those parents that has other people always raising them, you know? ...I have to actually get some homework done and try not to get too far behind...
Thank You for reading.... XOXO
I've read your story so far. I'm also a Redditor, where I saw your story on there too. I can feel your pain in your posts.
ReplyDeleteCan I ask you: your husband seems like he's still cheating with his ex-mistress and never really broke it off. Do you really want to try for a baby with him? Do you really want to stay with someone like him?
His affair, coupled with the death of your grandfather (my deepest condolences) are adding onto your pain.
It really hurts to see that your husband isn't really being there for you as you grieve for your grandfather. Well, in that case find you for yourself. Your love for singing in the church seems like a good start. Do you have a supportive group of friends and family? Maybe surround yourself with them. Start doing activities that will help strengthen, empower, and heal you. Start doing things for yourself.
You're not alone. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner.
I appreciate your concern! I'm really sorry that I didn't see your reply. I wish I saw it...
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